Stargate Atlantis: "Miller's Crossing" - the rewrite! SPOILER caps + irreverant dialogue

[wraithfodder]

 Yes, the WGA strike is still on, leaving fans in the mercilous wake of  other fans who will rewrite dialogue on Stargate Atlantis  (never mind that the dialogue is already written and filmed). So, without further ado, this is what happens when good caps fall into bad hands (insert JAWS music).

Oops, these caps are from the SciFi.com video promo (or TV ad).

Jeanie McKay's hubby goes downstairs to get a glass of warm milk but eegads, he discovers mutant rogue Jedis robbing his house!



The mutant Jedi attack!



"I just wanted some milk with my brownies!" Caleb screams in agony before being taken out by the Jedi, who then viciously chops the head off Madison's stuffed elephant toy. (scene deleted for the sake of impressionable minds)



"Mutant Jedi? Wrong universe pal, we deal in life-sucking Wraith and alien bimbos who can't keep their hands off our military commander, well, Sheppard that is, as our military commander is now a woman and that would be wrong on so many levels, well, unless there was a Jell-O arena involved."



"My wife was kidnapped because of her association with YOU. Well, you remember those brownies she sent you last Christmas? They were TOFU!"



"You BASTARD!!!"



Meanwhile, Jeanie finds herself the prisoner of the evil mutant Jedi who work in an awful mundane warehouse.



Rodney figures if he can handle Wraith, taking down a few mutant Jedi should be no problem.



Oh no, they have lightsabers and Rodney forgot to bring a gun.



Insert girly, no, manly, no girly scream of hideous terror!



Alas, Rodney has yet to learn that putting up arms never deters mutant Jedis, Wraith, or girl scouts trying to make their sales.



"Ow. Ow! My hands! They're valuable. I'm the only one who can type complex equations to save the solar system, well, except for the five-sixth of that one section I mistakenly blew up."



Rodney has absolutely no idea how he's going to rescue Jeanie now that he's been abducted too, but he could swear the mutant Jedi now look more like ninja, or no, even worse, *gasp* studio executives! 



But, he still has a bone to pick, an axe to grind, insert another simille, because Jeanie sent him TOFU brownies! "Was it because I dismembered your Barbie when we were kids? I was simulating the effects of a black hole for a science project."



"I LOVED that Barbie!"



Meanwhile, out in a parking lot, Sheppard and Ronon are mugging some poor sap for spare change because they ran out of gas (this is the problem with never-ending energy in puddlejumpers, you get SPOILED!) and they had no idea gasoline was over $3 a gallon and climbing.



Unfortunately the guy they mugged had no cash, just credit cards which were already overextended, a gun, half empty box of sugar-free Chiclets, and a photo of Rodney. Oh wait, photo of Rodney. He must be a bad guy! Meanwhile, Ronon starts down the road to ruin on Chiclets, which will be covered in a season five episode. The producers said the show was gonna go dark, remember?? 

Bwahahahah!


And that's it for this week's exciting installment of rewriting Stargate Atlantis. Well, this week and next, since this is a holiday week.

.

 

Comments

[neevebrody.livejournal.com]

OMG, I think I busted a spleen or something! God, that was freaking hilarious!!

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I had fun writing it!

[dovil.livejournal.com]

I am desperately looking forward to this episode, but now, I kind of want to watch this version instead.

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

I sure hope their dialogue is better than mine though, but when I saw those green lights in the attack sequence, all I could think of was lightsabers. Ah, my mind has been ruined by the media conglomerates ;)

[loves-bitch.livejournal.com]

Okay is it just me or is Kate hotter than normal in that one pic? Because Yowza.

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Well, yup, she does look quite good!

[oxbastetxo.livejournal.com]

I bet Jeanie's husband drinks Soy Milk. ;-)

You're silly. :-)

When Rodney told Jeanie he was coming back for Thanksgiving and Toferky, I don't think she quite expected this. ;-)

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm sure they all drink soy milk! ;)

[yokiem.livejournal.com]

That was fabulous!! I hope the real episode is just as good! And Kate does look really good this ep, so do the others!

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) Oh yes, Kate looks great. She looked great when I saw her after her play, too. And wow, Ronon in civvies. I want to see Sheppard trying to explain ties to Ronon....

[tabby333.livejournal.com]

Now this is a good send off to bed. Thanks for the laugh!!! and heaven help us if the fans start writing the show.

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

then we're all doomed! ;)

[ladyniko.livejournal.com]

"My sister was kidnapped because of her association with YOU. Well, you remember those brownies she sent you last Christmas? They were TOFU!"

Uhm, shouldn't that be my wife? Since this is her hubby talking to Rodney. :)

But man, remind me not to read your write ups when trying to drink anything! You are very dangerous w/ your sarcasm here! *laugh*

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Ha, yes, you're right. Well, you don't expect anybody who wrote this stuff to have a good grasp on sanity, right? ;) Hmm, must fix.

[dr-dredd.livejournal.com]

Evil mutant ninja Jedi studio executives! Selling Girl Scout cookies! (Mmm... Tagalogs...)

So for Ronon, the Road to Perdition is paved with chiclets? Dang! That's a TV show I'd like to see. :-)

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

I think I could stretch out to be an overly long 2 part miniseries airing on Fox ;)

[kaaatie.livejournal.com]

Hee! Hilarious! :)

I can't wait to see that episode!! The Hewlett is looking GREAT in that hoodie!!

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Yeah, he does look good in that outfit!

[chensuu.livejournal.com]

Girly scream of hideous horror! I love it! The hoodie and David = love!

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Heh, my mind always flashes back to his screaming in "Runner" ;)

[deaka.livejournal.com]

Beautiful rewrite! Loved John and Ronon mugging someone in the carpark. :p

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed!

[pavaneofstars.livejournal.com]

omg, that was hysterical!! :D I hate having to wait another week before we see this ep.

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Oh ha! Love your 'girly scream' LJ icon!

[winter-elf.livejournal.com]

*giggles!* Thanks for the screencaps

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

you're welcome :)

[listy01.livejournal.com]

Oh my sides hurt!!!! too funny!!

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

:)

[mckays-girl.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

[girly-curl-3.livejournal.com]

While hilarious, the sad thing is that I could absolutely believe your commentary was actually straight from the trailer. Hee!

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

ooh, then that means if Carl Binder doens't come back due to the WGA strike, I can take his place! bwahahahaha!

[highonstargate.livejournal.com]

That was just hilarious! I just started to roll on the floor, since it was so funny!

And McKay just looks great in that Hoodie! Very rare to see them in civvies!

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Thanks :):)

[bydaylight.livejournal.com]

*chokes on tea*

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

heh

[margec01.livejournal.com]

You keep doing a WONDERFUL job with this. Although I liked Seer, your conference room briefing was still the best! I hope Miller's Crossing turns out at least as good as your version.

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :) Don't know what I'll do next week without a Skiffy video to play with!

[luxuria-oceanus.livejournal.com]

Oh this was good, this was REALLY good. Tofu BROWNIES! LOL BLASPHEMY!

[wraithfodder.livejournal.com]

And I know they exist, I have a recipe ;)