wraithfodder | Stargate Atlantis: "Kindred, part 1" Irrerevant dialogue + screencaps

Finally found some time to properly recap the Stargate Atlantis episode "Kindred," using photos from MGM’s and SciFi’s promo videos. Contains spoiler images so beware.

Ignore what they wrote. SciFi is always getting things wrong ;)

Teyla’s having weird dreams. The baby’s due any day, week, maybe month, from now, and she has this overwhelming desire to get a bassinet. However, this one is far too big, and lumpy.

This one’s too hard.

And the color scheme clashes, and what the heck is it doing in the woods? Eeuuu, ticks, bugs!

But suddenly an apparition appears. Who could it be?

Ohmygosh, it’s her beloved Kanan, I mean, Kaanan. She’s always confusing the spelling ever since Rodney told her about the Tok’ra Kanan who took over Jack O’Neill and then went had a ba’al.

Enough about that, insists Kaanan. That’s another show. Meanwhile, I am here to provide you with the answer to your heart’s desire!

Teyla awakens from her dream.

Okay, now she’s awake! Kanan has provided her with the details. She knows where to find a bassinet!!

During commercial break, she goes offworld to one of those alien bazaars (the ones that always look alike) and finds the man she’s seeking.

“Sorry, sweetcheeks, but I don’t know anything about no bassinets.”

“You will tell me or I will do horrible things to you with these BantosÔ rods, or worse, I’ll drag Rodney McKay here to talk about his love life.” The man caves under the most awful threat.

“Are you sure this is the address for Crazy Carl’s Cribs ‘n’ Bibs?” ponders Shepaprd. Teyla is sure. Then she burps. Darn pickles.

“Look, sir, the store!” alerts Lorne.

Alas, it’s really slim pickings.

After all, Carl’s was having a fire sale.

Oh wait, wait. Strange noises in the sky. Is it a blimp with a sale notice going past??

Oops, wraith trap. Darn, sure didn’t see that one.

“After four years of dealing with Wraith, you let Teyla walk into a trap?”

“Uh, she was armed with those sticks,” whines Rodney. “Yeah, my ass still hurts from where she hit me,” mutters Sheppard.

“Well, I’m ordering you to go find her. She took my grocery list with her and I’m not re-doing it!”

“Uh, er, yes, ma’am.” Didn’t she know the Midway station was toast so they couldn’t go back to Earth for TimBits anymore??

So the Daedalus is dragooned, er, they volunteer to go on this hunt.

“And I thought those batboy cases with Mulder were weird? Bassinets?? I didn’t join the SGC for this.”

They find another ship parked in orbit around the planet where /Crazy Carl’s Cribs ‘n’ Bibs warehouse is located.

Sheppard figures they’ll have to beam down to solve the problem. Ronon just wants to kill someone. This waiting is boring.

Meaningful manly stares so the viewer realizes this is dangerous. Very dangerous. ‘Teh' hair could get mussed!

Poof, they beam out, that, or a bag of flour exploded.

McKay thinks it’s a good time to toss on the black leather outfit. After all, there might be some hot chicks around. He’s still on the rebound from Katie, you see…

Ronon stealthily checks out the humongous warehouse.

So does Sheppard, and this reminds himof when, a few Live Journal entries ago, he was hunting weplicators. Ssshh.

Lorne hears a noise and starts blasting the place apart.

There’s a flash of red! Ronon reacts (violently, of course).

Gets out his gun and…

Shoots the bad guy dead!

Oops, it was the store clerk setting the red light special thing. Darn.

The clerk’s definitely dead and these guys are doomed, cuz, well, they’re men, and men never ask for directions.

But there’s a noise and everybody almost goes off half-cocked.

But wait, it’s Todd, who nearly sucked Sheppard dry but saved McKay’s sister and is rumored to be having an affair with Zelenka’s second cousin. He appears as a hologram, informing the group that what they seek lies behind door #2.

“Uh, okay,” says Sheppard, because a real man would never say “oh thank god, we won’t be wandering around here lost forever!” * cough *

So they go to door #2, and instead of trying the knob, it’s down to brute force again.

And Sheppard kicks it in. And he wonders why he keeps getting shin splints. Ow.

And gun out, Sheppard enters, hoping he’ll find Teyla, preferably without her sticks.

Oh.

My.

Gawd.

“It’s not what you think!” Beckett howls in shock, quickly stuffing something under the blanket.

“Crap.” And now Sheppard thinks “Does mean I have to return all those fishing lures to him? Damn!”

“Damn,” says McKay. Does this mean I have to return the framed picture to him? No way!

WTF? Thinks Ronon. This’ll mean less food in the messhall.

Oh, uh… “What the hell took you so long?” carps Carson. “I’ve been stuck here being hideously tortured!”

*******************************************************

And that’s it for this week. Urgent questions remain! Where the heck is Teyla? Is she stuck in aisle 267 in Carl’s Cribs ‘n’ Bibs (which is a subsidiary tax haven for the Wally’s Wraith World LLC) trying to decide between pink and blue? Just who or what was Carson stuffing under the blanket? Were the hideous internet rumors about him being Thor’s love slave and chief kitchen help true, or just slanderous rumblings? (I vote for true since I started those rumors…)

So, come back in a few days or so to find out the dramatic conclusion.