wraithfodder | Stargate Atlantis #506 - "The Shrine"

Yes, why wait less than a week for the Stargate Atlantis episode "The Shrine" when you can read the summation, accompanied by really, really high quailty pictures, here in the safety of your home on your own PC. And it's free! No strings attached, no down payments. However, if the quality of the photos or dialogue seems substandard, it's all your PC. Yes, your PC. *cough*

Without further ado.... the first draft plot of....

STARGATE ATLANTIS - "THE SHRINE"

Rodney visits the doctor with a really bad embarrassing, personal problem.

McKay: "I've got a problem. A huge problem. It's....um...."
Keller: "What? You're impotent?"
McKay: "Ha! My problem is far worse than THAT piddling problem, which of course I don't have and who have you been talking to? Anyway... it's... it's...

McKay: "It's my hair! I need something. Can't you see it? I need Rogaine(R) or one of those miracle drugs you see advertised on TV late at night which promise miraculous cures for $24.95 plus shipping and handling."

Keller rolls her eyes.: "Now if you'd asked for Viagra(R), I could give you handfuls of the little blue pills but what you're asking for is beyond my reach as Mr. Woolsey seems to have scarfed up all the available Rogaine(R) in a vain attempt to recapture his youth.. I mean, male-pattern baldness. Face it, Rodney, you're screwed. I mean, um, I'm a doctor, not a hairdresser, despite my gorgeous blond tresses."

McKay runs away in utter panic. Doomed! He's doomed to inherited male-pattern baldness like his father or uncle, the latter of who caused a horrible car accident when the sunlight flashed off his bald dome, causing the school bus driver to shoot a red light that he couldn't see and flattened a flock of sheep, and the rest is too horrible to post here. Anyway, Rodney is sure his hairline is receding but nobody will acknowledge it. Sheppard with his hair-that-has-a-life-of-its-own just snorts in derision! And Ronon, the man has more hair than should be allowed by any law, even in Canada, just rolls his eyes. Rodney must do something or else he'll end up looking, like, gah, noooooooooooooooooooo!....

Woolsey!!!!!!!!!!!!

The stress of an allegedly receding hairline has driven Rodney to a premature breakdown. That, or else he's in caffeine-withdrawal. Hard to tell, but anyway, he's curled up like a dead bug under a blanket, which means the Atlantis team must seek professional help.

Jeannie Miller is horrified at the wreck her brother has become, babbling about hair weaves, follicle failures and that he'll end up just like Uncle George (of flattened sheep fame). She suggests sending him out in the field to get his mind off this mess. Duh...

But unfortunately, as is prone to happen in many episodes, things go horribly awry.

McKay: "I'll never be abducted by any sexy alien babes if I don't have a full head of hair! I'm DOOMED!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Keller: "I was afraid this was going to happen. We have to do emergency surgery!"
And then explains what she must do and who must assist.

Sheppard: "There is no way I'm agreeing to that!

Keller begins the hideous process of inserting some hair plugs so that Rodney will stop whining about his hairline.
Sheppard: "Eeeuuu... eeeuuuu. The gloves will protect me, right?. You're sure this male-pattern-baldness stuff isn't contagious."
Keller: "For god's sake, Sheppard, get a grip. You're starting to sound like Rodney."

Jeannie can't believe she was dragged across a galaxy for this fiasco. No, Rodney isn't going to owe her a Prius. She wants solar panels on the house this time!

And that's the end of this week's muddled version of a Stargate Atlantis script, which hasn't been brought to do you by any hair club for men type things, or pharmaceutical companies, but geez, with all the ads for same on SciFi, it was time to incorporate them into a plot (and now that I've written it, TPTB can't use the same plot, so we're all saved!) ;)

THE END

Current Mood: creative

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

ga-unicorn.livejournal.com

Hair envy. Men are so vain.

Personally, I'm looking forward to the trepanning scene. Or is it a labotomy - which Zelenka has bribed Keller into performing because he's tired of McKay treating him like a mere minion and failing to notice the massive man-crush he has on The Boss (he's given up on any of the expedition leaders returning his admiration).

From:

My brain hurts until I can figure out what I'm doing ...

Stargate Atlantis #506 - "The Shrine" - pictures & irreverant dialogue

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