![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wraithfodderYes, once again, ripped from the headlines, er, um, capped from a couple online trailers and new, vastly improved dialogue added. Yes, this was the original storyline for Stargate Atlantis' "Spoils of War" episode. *cough* You've been warned ;)
Oh, and yes, photos do contain spoilers.
It's a wonderful day on Atlantis. The sun is bright and shiny :)
But all is not good. The team, out on a mission (we'll skip over the scenes explaining why Sheppard is letting Teyla on the mission after grounding her. Eh, who needs continuity? Anyway, like I said, things are bad. Teyla's pregnant.. And she is DEMANDING PICKLES!
Sheppard has no recourse but to acquiesce to her demand, especially after she threatened to beat him up with her banto sticks. He's no idiot. So....
They check the HUD. Thanks to McKay's brilliant research efforts, he's located the only Wraith Wally-World in the Pegasus Galaxy! Surely, this humongous place has pickles.
Parking is hell. Everybody's there. Oh yeah, it's the weekend.
And people aren't obeying the stop signs. Sheesh.
"Gherkins! I want gerkins! And i want them bread'n'butter. Not dill! NOW!!" screeches Teyla.
"Welcome to Wraith-Wally-World," the disembodied pseudo-Wizard of Oz head intones from the large wall. "We're open 26 hours a day, all year around! To make your shopping visit more enticing, stop by Customer Service and sign up for our extra deluxe premiere card which will give you unlimited access to our storage bay. Cost is only two years of life per--"
"We are soooo screwed," whines McKay. "Oh great," mutters Sheppard. "You had to talk just when he was telling us where the damned pickles were located. I'm not sitting through this spiel again."
Teyla takes matters into her own hands and consult the extremely obvious store directory. McKay is worried they've double-parked the puddle-jumper and it'll get towed and they'll have no way to get back to Atlantis. This will be easy, Sheppard had said. Yeah sure, snorts McKay. It's worse than the Mall of America!
Oh yeah, the store directory on the wall is REAL clear. Nobody can find the "you are here" sign.
Sheppard decides the hell with directions. He'll find the pickles on his own!
Uh... guh.... Rodney is speechless (I know, impossible, isn't it?)
THOUSANDS of boxes of Replicator-a-Roni.Hundreds of jars of who knows what and the aisles aren't marked. Where the hell are the pickles?!
And worse, other customers are fighting over the last box (at least that anyone can see) of Aged Athosian. Not cheese, just aged Athosian. Hey, where the heck did you think they went? 'A dark place.' Ha! Yes, they've been boxed up for sale ;)
Ronon is aghast. They could die of old age before they find what Teyla wants. McKay is trying to zone out with meditation, but instead he just looks like he's sucking on a lemon, and Lorne is wondering how he got dragged on this insane mission,
"Nobody is to tell anyone what we're going to do or I'll kill them," threatens Ronon. "What are we going to do?" quakes McKay. "Find customer service and ask directions."
It's apparent the Customer Service rep has been too long at the job.
So they go to the manager, who looks suspiciously like the Wraith that sucked Sheppard dry last season, but nah, couldn't be. He said he was commanding a hive ship, not dealing with toilet paper.
McKay furiously works away at the store's computerized directory, trying to locate the much-desired Gherkins (and oh no, now Teyla is talking about fudge ice cream!) and that look of boredom on her face is nothing more than a precursor to her snapping at him! And where the hell is Sheppard anyway??
Meanwhile, because he's a guy and refused to ask directions, Sheppard got lost and fell into the clutches of yet another Wraith Queen. Sheppard's not looking worried cuz the Queen has decided to pass on the sale on Athosian Helper (spices up those dull ones) but because just seconds before, he saw the queen pick her nose and now she's going to touch his face and that is just so....eeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And that's it for this week's installment of rewrite-the-Stargate Atlantis script :) Enjoy....
Oh, you can find the online trailers here:
SCIFI
http://video.scifi.com/player/?id=201342
MGM
http://stargate.mgm.com/
Oh, and yes, photos do contain spoilers.
It's a wonderful day on Atlantis. The sun is bright and shiny :)
But all is not good. The team, out on a mission (we'll skip over the scenes explaining why Sheppard is letting Teyla on the mission after grounding her. Eh, who needs continuity? Anyway, like I said, things are bad. Teyla's pregnant.. And she is DEMANDING PICKLES!
Sheppard has no recourse but to acquiesce to her demand, especially after she threatened to beat him up with her banto sticks. He's no idiot. So....
They check the HUD. Thanks to McKay's brilliant research efforts, he's located the only Wraith Wally-World in the Pegasus Galaxy! Surely, this humongous place has pickles.
Parking is hell. Everybody's there. Oh yeah, it's the weekend.
And people aren't obeying the stop signs. Sheesh.
"Gherkins! I want gerkins! And i want them bread'n'butter. Not dill! NOW!!" screeches Teyla.
"Welcome to Wraith-Wally-World," the disembodied pseudo-Wizard of Oz head intones from the large wall. "We're open 26 hours a day, all year around! To make your shopping visit more enticing, stop by Customer Service and sign up for our extra deluxe premiere card which will give you unlimited access to our storage bay. Cost is only two years of life per--"
"We are soooo screwed," whines McKay. "Oh great," mutters Sheppard. "You had to talk just when he was telling us where the damned pickles were located. I'm not sitting through this spiel again."
Teyla takes matters into her own hands and consult the extremely obvious store directory. McKay is worried they've double-parked the puddle-jumper and it'll get towed and they'll have no way to get back to Atlantis. This will be easy, Sheppard had said. Yeah sure, snorts McKay. It's worse than the Mall of America!
Oh yeah, the store directory on the wall is REAL clear. Nobody can find the "you are here" sign.
Sheppard decides the hell with directions. He'll find the pickles on his own!
Uh... guh.... Rodney is speechless (I know, impossible, isn't it?)
THOUSANDS of boxes of Replicator-a-Roni.Hundreds of jars of who knows what and the aisles aren't marked. Where the hell are the pickles?!
And worse, other customers are fighting over the last box (at least that anyone can see) of Aged Athosian. Not cheese, just aged Athosian. Hey, where the heck did you think they went? 'A dark place.' Ha! Yes, they've been boxed up for sale ;)
Ronon is aghast. They could die of old age before they find what Teyla wants. McKay is trying to zone out with meditation, but instead he just looks like he's sucking on a lemon, and Lorne is wondering how he got dragged on this insane mission,
"Nobody is to tell anyone what we're going to do or I'll kill them," threatens Ronon. "What are we going to do?" quakes McKay. "Find customer service and ask directions."
It's apparent the Customer Service rep has been too long at the job.
So they go to the manager, who looks suspiciously like the Wraith that sucked Sheppard dry last season, but nah, couldn't be. He said he was commanding a hive ship, not dealing with toilet paper.
McKay furiously works away at the store's computerized directory, trying to locate the much-desired Gherkins (and oh no, now Teyla is talking about fudge ice cream!) and that look of boredom on her face is nothing more than a precursor to her snapping at him! And where the hell is Sheppard anyway??
Meanwhile, because he's a guy and refused to ask directions, Sheppard got lost and fell into the clutches of yet another Wraith Queen. Sheppard's not looking worried cuz the Queen has decided to pass on the sale on Athosian Helper (spices up those dull ones) but because just seconds before, he saw the queen pick her nose and now she's going to touch his face and that is just so....eeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And that's it for this week's installment of rewrite-the-Stargate Atlantis script :) Enjoy....
Oh, you can find the online trailers here:
SCIFI
http://video.scifi.com/player/?id=201342
MGM
http://stargate.mgm.com/
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-01-06 06:22 pm (UTC)